Ever notice how the most confident and happy couples around you don’t seek your validation? Have you noticed that when you are in a bad relationship or bad situation you are more likely to try to convince everyone else that everything is amazing on social media and in conversations with loved ones?
When people are in truly great relationships, their relationships validate them, so they don’t seek that feeling externally.
When you try to convince others that something is truly great, you do end up feeling better about that part of your life because you think others perceive you differently. However, for the most part you are only fooling yourself.
When you truly are happy you have nothing to prove.
Here are some tips to avoid getting stuck in bad relationships, so you never will have to justify a relationship again:
Odds are that in new relationships you are willing to do everything to make it work. You may change your personality for a couple of months during the “Honeymoon phase” trying to be what you think they expect you to be, but after you get fatigued by trying to be something you are not you start to reveal your true nature during moments of exhaustion… and in those moments, instead of both of you embracing your true nature, it becomes a source of conflict, because you have “changed”. The reason this occurs is that our passion projects – in this case our relationships – allow us to totally transform our nature due to excitement the project gives us, but if we don’t give ourselves enough regenerative space we cannot sustain that change (for more information on regenerative spaces check this: (Mentally and Physically Drained? It is Time to Find your Regenerative Space!).
The real question though is why create relationships where you have to sustain a lie in the first place?
The key to truly great relationships is to not make your relationship a passion project, but to truly be yourself with confidence. Create relationships based on empowerment and mutual respect, rather than relationships based on control, ownership, manipulation and lies.
At Develop Your Element we propose that you put all your cards on the table from day one, create relationships with you being in your true element. Be transparent about who you are, how your personality is. Don’t get stuck in a relationship with someone who is incompatible with you, because you didn’t reveal your true nature in time. Don’t suppress yourself to make it work – or you may end up pushing people away.
Find someone whose personality complements yours, and more importantly someone who is confident enough not to try to change you, absorb you, or manipulate you. The differences in personality between you and your partner can either become a source of conflict or a source of growth, and it takes confidence, communication and mutual respect to easily turn them into a source of mutual growth and empowerment.
For relationships to truly last, it is important that both of you get time for your own regenerative space. These regenerative spaces can be widely different, so don’t let jealousy stop either of you from having time to regenerate. Don’t get offended if your partner needs alone time or social time with friends without you there in order to regenerate. If they can enjoy being alone and with other people they will be happier to see you again afterwards. So encourage them to spend more time in their regenerative space, and trust me, you will both be happier and less stressed!