How can you recognize when your relationship is draining you or regenerating you? There are many ways to regenerate, and a good relationship, whether it’s a romantic relationship or another kind of relationship, can be a good regenerative space. However, sometimes a relationship can have draining effects on one or both partners. Here are 5 indicators to see if your relationship is regenerating you or if it is draining you, as well as tips on how to make your relationship more regenerative.

  1. Are you both working on making the relationship work?

It is surprising how often a relationship is based mainly on what one person wants. Often there is one person wanting and working to make the relationship work, without realizing that the other person might not have the same desires and priorities, or even want to be in a relationship in the same extent.

You might want to have a mature conversation about what you expect and desire from the relationship. You might even want to address whether you and the other person really wants to be in that relationship.

  1. Are you both focussed on making each other happy without losing yourselves in the process?

It is important to take into account the other persons needs and desires, while always remembering that it is your job to regenerate yourself and not dump that job to the other person. Also, you might enjoy and want to help the other person regenerate, but it should not be your duty to do it – especially if it is a one-way street where you end up neglecting your own needs because of it.

  1. Are you two making gratitude part of your daily routine?

Gratitude has a highly regenerative effect on people, both when you give it and when you receive it, so make sure to make it part of your everyday.

  1. Is generosity a natural part of your relationship, or is it left for big occasions or as a show for others to see?

You want to notice if the person who is generous (you or the other person) expects something in exchange, or whether it is done as a show to illustrate how generous they are. If they are showing off or they expect something in return that is not true generosity, and it might have a high price to be with a person who acts this way. Generosity should also show up in private, and when nothing is expected in return. Make note of this important indicator, as it will come in handy in all areas of your life. You might prefer to be with people who have a truly generous spirit.

  1. Is this a relationship that includes or that excludes?

Although alone time together can be very romantic, and a great way to strengthen relationships, do pay attention to whether your relationship is including or excluding others, as well as how much you each include each other. Is your partner including you in his or her life, with friends and family? Is he part of your life including your family and social life? Does your relationship allow you both to have other friends, hobbies, and time alone? Or are those things all seen only as “time away from the relationship”?


It can occur that one partner finds the relationship regenerative and the other gets drained. When only one partner is regenerated and the other is not, it might be an indicator that things are not going well or that only one person is getting their needs taken care of in the relationship. If a few mature discussions and adjustments to the relationship cannot change this, it might be best in the long run for both partners to go their separate ways.

A relationship should be a relationship that enriches both partners’ lives. It should be a team effort with both partners working to make each others’ lives easier and more pleasant, and where true generosity and gratitude are commonplace. When both partners have gratitude and a generous spirit the relationship will be regenerative for both people. All personalities thrive on harmony and positive relationships. A regenerative relationship is also one that allows for friends and family, and where both partners feel included in what’s going on.

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